Why girls pick jerks
What a fricken jerk.
Piece of shit, douche, asshat, tool… You know him by many names.
The jerk who somehow manages to get and mistreat the girl you want.
Most guys know what it’s like to be friend zoned by their own version of the ‘girl next door’.
That one girl that is just SO smart and SO incredible.. You fell for her because she is the trifecta of effortlessly sexy, beautiful, and cool.
BUT there’s a catch. She has a boyfriend.
And he….is a Jerk.
Most of you know how this scenario usually plays out. The back and forth between you and the boyfriend sucks out your soul, and even though you’ve offered her the world, and even though she finally told you she cared for you too, she ultimately runs BACK to her jerk.
But why? Why?!
You have probably sat on a barstool at some point, possibly mine, all pissed off and clenching your pint, asking yourself that very question.
There are a few little known reasons why women go for jerks.
• Poor self esteem.
Many women, regardless of beauty or success, feel insecure in themselves.
In fact it’s often times the most beautiful women that are the most insecure.
They may hear how valuable they are all the time, but they latch on to the one person that treats them like they aren’t shit.
They feel like this person is the only person that sees the “real them“.
•The jerks affection is a hard earned prize
If a guy is a jerk, overly picky, critical, or confrontational, and yet he approves of YOU and treats you as worthy (at first), you feel superior to other women and it’s intoxicating.
The feeling of being chosen before multiple other women gives an insecure woman a temporary sense of faux confidence in herself.
Insecure women often seek temporary boosts to their ego’s because they lack the tools to provide themselves with a sense of internal acceptance.
Often times a woman will put up with a womanizing man, because as much as it hurts her ego when he cheats, she gets addicted to the boost of validation she gets when he drops the other girl and puts her back on top as his queen.
This act of smashing her ego and then rebuilding it works- because this woman’s ego is dependent on her value according to the harshest of others, rather than self esteem.
• His attitude seems primal and masculine.
His confidence in being a jerk, and not caring about others, comes across as strength and power in a sick way- which is sexually thrilling for many women.
When a man has a sense of entitlement, and an air of superiority about him, others take notice.
They may notice and think, “what a jerk”, but many women find this sexually stimulating because it makes them feel like they are with an intimidating, masculine counterpart to their femininity.
•Alpha vs Omega
A jerk (good looking or not) is more sexually attractive than a guy who lays his head on your lap and looks up at you like a conquered pup…
If man is too overly devoted, especially too soon, the thrill of the chase is gone, and she feels like she OWNS this man.
She knows she has him, it was easy to get him, and the fact that he wants her so unconditionally makes her think nobody else wants him, thus lowering his value as a mate.
She hugs this man, wears his sweatshirt…she cooks dinners with him and plays board games, leaves him thoughtful cards and invites him to tag along places that the jerk doesn’t want to go with her.
She calls him crying when her car breaks down… She calls him when she needs someone to talk to…And she really means it when she says he is the greatest guy in the world.
But he doesn’t stimulate her like the Jerk does, and he never understands why.
The jerk, however, is NOT waiting by the phone for her call.
The jerk doesn’t have to care.
The jerk knows that she will stomp her feet for her way, but he slams the door in her face, because he knows that the act of doing just so, will result in her coming crawling back time and time again.
The reason for this is simple: reverse psychology.
It really is that simple when you are dealing with insecurity.
• Hot guys are jerks
A large percentage of good looking men just happen to be jerks, because they know they can have the best quality women, and replace them at will.
And naturally, women find these men attractive because they are fine physical specimens and are exciting to be involved with because they are so darn good to look at.
So they overlook their jerkdom because the chemistry is wild.
Being attractive is like being rich, you can have whoever you want, for as long as you want, because the people that want you are filling voids that have nothing to do with who you are, but instead, how you make them appear to others, which builds their confidence.
So what can be done about this tragic truth?
For starters, we need to stop assuming that men need to gain or lose qualities to become the most attractive mate, and start encouraging and stimulating positive healthy qualities in the women around them.
Encourage women to do the things that make them feel creative and independent.
Don’t be a shoulder to cry on, be a hand up and a stern point in the right direction. Be HONEST.
Don’t follow an emotionally flawed woman with a boyfriend around and tell her how much better she deserves and how much you would try to make her happy.
Tell this woman what she needs to hear:
“Look. Your boyfriends a jerk. You need to take control of your life. You have a lot going for you, but it’s all wasted if you throw your life away getting walked on by some jerk. I care for you as a person. I like you.
But I am not going to be the guy friend you pull in to your insecure and unhealthy relationship. I will be here in some capacity, maybe not romantic, but as someone who cares, when you finally see yourself for the amazing woman you are.”
Being a firm and honest man is the only way to show these women real love, and encourage them to build their OWN value, and stop trying to build it for them.
It just simply doesn’t work that way. Leaving these women in their mess, and moving on with your life, is the best and most kind thing you can do for you BOTH.
Give these women a chance to hit rock bottom with these jerks, and your fair and truthful words will be burned into their memory, encouraging them to snap out of it once and for all.