Creepy things you do when you like someone
The words “stalker” and “creeper” are thrown around a lot, but did you know that lots of things you may be doing are humiliatingly desperate?
Let’s explore a few of them…
• Fishing Texts
Okay, so they haven’t texted you.
Maybe they didn’t even text you BACK after you texted them last…
You are annoyed. I mean, clearly they are not as interested as you are, and that burns.
But WHY aren’t they? I mean, they would be if you had a chance to show them how great you are, right?!
And then you get to thinking…
Maybe they really are just busy? And I mean, do you really want to mess this up by being too needy ?
Maybe you should text them.
You don’t want to seem desperate, so you brilliantly concoct a scheme.
The Accidental text–
Totally believable, right?
You construct a witty, random, or questionably risqué and curiosity invoking text, that CLEARLY was meant to be sent to someone else.
That way, they will be reminded of how awesome you are, how active your social life is, and most importantly, that you still exist.
Naturally, they will text you back, and a conversation will follow, and hopefully, another date.
NO! Stop it.
You are embarrassing yourself!
There are no exceptions.
They are all far fetched…
*The fake response to a text from another fake person whose name is similar to theirs….
*fake FWD of an inspirational quote that you attach them in…
*or GOD FORBID a sexy photo mistakenly sent to them, (faking embarrassment)
all painfully transparent.
If someone likes you, they WILL let you know!!!
Don’t try to navigate around the road blocks someone is throwing behind them as they run in the opposite direction, because you’re chasing after a “signal” to let you know if they like you.
If they like you, they’ll want to talk to you, and spend time with you.
They don’t ignore calls and messages and vaguely decline to commit to a date.
Don’t get hung up on things they told you to be nice, about how sweet you are, and what a good catch you are.
Look at the things they DO, and DON’T DO, when determining if they are truly interested.
Do they want to spend time with you?
Do they treat you like you are important?
Do they contact you and respond to you reliably and frequently?
•Don’t be pushy/angry at the first hint of rejection.
Just because you laid eyes on them and desire them, does not mean that you are entitled to them.
If they are a bit skiddish, don’t push harder and demand time or attention and make yourself look crazy.
Don’t follow this by apologizing and explaining that you just really like them.
And don’t follow THAT by non chalaountly changing the subject to lighthearted small talk afterwards..
If they are unresponsive or begin to ignore you, don’t send them emails and messages telling them how they aren’t that great and can go to hell.
•Don’t stalk their exes.
Don’t ask them about their exes, don’t bring up their exes, don’t try to seek out photos of their exes, don’t find out who the new partners are of their exes and stalk them as well…
You are building a relationship with this person, and making memories, not doing a report on their romantic and sexual past.
Don’t sabotage your chances by focusing on comparative studying of their exes- it’s none of your business.
• Don’t have them help you through a made- up or over inflated, frantic and dramatic crisis, in the hopes it will bring you closer together/ back together.
They may come to your rescue, but they will promptly leave when you are taken care of, shaking it off and thinking, “phew, glad I don’t have to deal with that person on a daily basis”
Desperately trying to force them to care for you, is not the way to a persons heart.
They are likely aware of what you are doing, and coming across as overly fragile or invested upon them in order to have emotional stability is a major turn off.
•Don’t try to get someone pregnant or try to get pregnant.
This one is a doozy!
The life you are envisioning, where the two of you bounce your baby on your laps and look at each other adoringly is NOT parenthood.
Parenthood can practically tear apart any relationship.
In actuality, it is a major intimacy killer.
You become focused on a child and on your new roles/identities as parents… And meanwhile you are silently and slowly growing distant..
Neither of you mind or notice at first.. You are in love with your baby.
But then your baby is a couple years old, and so is your “romance”
And you no longer know what to say to each other, or how to get over the routine and sexually awkward phases that are in store.
Don’t rush into parenthood to save a relationship, you won’t stand a chance.
If you have a child, you better be damned sure that this person loves you in an epic way, because that bond will be all that will hold you together when you both inevitably want to throw in the towel.
That bond won’t come after a baby, it needs to come before.
Especially taking into account resentment from the other person, from being forced into committing to you because of a child.
•Don’t try to infiltrate their parents to get closer to them.
You may want to show them how much their family approves, or likes you..
Or their friends…
Maybe you even tell them all how much you like them, and ask them for clues, or information.
Maybe they all think it’s really sweet.
Well, don’t do that. It’s borderline stalking.
Not to mention, overly eager and off putting.
Nobody likes to feel decisions being made for them.
It will make them run in the opposite direction, or even more likely, friend zone you for LIFE.
“I mean, you spend time with my family and friends, and I care about you, and I don’t want things to get awkward”
•Don’t pretend to like everything they like, or keep quiet about things that you don’t agree with, for the sake of making them like you.
How do you expect to keep someone that you were unauthentic with?
If you are listening to someone’s shitty band, and they suck and it kind of hurts your ears, don’t paint their band name on your T- shirt.
Eventually, you will argue, and the first thing out of your mouth is going to be: “YOUR MUSIC BLOWS”
Welcome to the world of resentments and terminal relationship implosion.. It’s going to get bad.
•Don’t argue with or criticize their friends or family… Even if they are!
Even if their crew said something about you, or to you, that was out of line, be very careful to not burn bridges.
And under no circumstances should you EVER demand that a person choose between you and their friends or family.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that they won’t make up with their family and friends.
You will go from the hero to the bad guy, making things awkward and ruining everything.
•Don’t ask to borrow money, or offer to lend it.
This immediately changes the nature and context of your romantic relationship.
A sense of obligation becomes attached to maintain the relationship, and it stimulates a pre mature curiosity in the future of the relationship, which is a buzz kill, to be honest.
It’s only exciting if it’s something that you are choosing, not obligated to, when in a new relationship.
•Don’t criticize members of the opposite sex to make them feel more attractive.
At first this may feed their self esteem, but it can bring up a few negative implications.
For instance, it makes you seem of questionable character.
If you talk about people like that, is that how you would talk about me?
What if I gained a few pounds? Would you abandon me?
You tell me I’m hot and then you talk about how big Jessica Albas thighs look in that movie, And how Cameron Diaz hasn’t aged well..
Do I really feel safe growing old with you, or having your children?
So don’t attempt to make a person feel attractive by pointing out flaws in other people.
Make a person feel attractive for the qualities about them that make them uniquely appealing, and focus on that.
•Don’t encourage them to blow off things or people in their lives, just because you are infatuated with spending time together.
Even if they would rather lay in bed with you all day instead of going to class, or working on their hobbies, or making time with friends, you have to maintain a degree of separation.
Otherwise you will find that things fizzle out quickly, like a firecracker, and get awkward fast.
•Don’t cram yourself down their throat
I’m not advocating that you play games, and hide your feelings, but there is a balance to be had in showing your eagerness.
Don’t offer to do everything for them.
Don’t wait by the phone for them to call, or mention how available you are for them, or how you are waiting for them, or rearranging your life for them, or planning your future with them.
It’s horrifying basically.
It makes any sane person think, “Oh God, what have I gotten myself into here? Am I going to be able to get rid of this person if it doesn’t work out?”
•Don’t try to “forge the river” in the bedroom.
You will just end up losing 2 oxen and getting cholera, long before you even reach chimney rock.
Or in other words, for those of you who never played “Oregon Trail”, DON’T try to act like a porn star the first few times you have sex.
If you are sleeping with a new love, really experience it, with them, together.
Go slow and fumble around and warm up to them.
Don’t flip into “impress you sexually” mode, and ignore the person in front of you, while focusing on a grand performance.
Don’t scream like a wildcat, or try something you’ve never tried before, or act cool with things that make you uncomfortable.
Make a memory.. Don’t overwhelm someone like pepe le peu.
• Staring at them and smiling, like they are a baby in a bunny suit
Especially if they are asleep, or popping a zit, or eating a sandwich.
Don’t Creepily stare at someone, or force constant body contact.
• Don’t act territorial in public
Don’t start acting as if the person you are with is growing off the side of your body every time you go out together.
Let them be free, don’t act paranoid and jealous.. It’s okay to let them walk ahead of you a bit…
If they don’t seem too responsive to hand holding, don’t get butt hurt and begin to pout.
Not everyone works on the same time line as you do, and trying to hold onto someone too tight only causes them to slip through your fingers.
•Don’t obsessively babble on about what a victim you are
Everyone is out to get you.
Nice guys/ good girls finish last
You always get rejected
You get treated poorly
Nobody loves you
You got screwed over in life, and none of it is your fault.
These topics, when discussed frequently, start to paint a negative view of you to the other person.
Maybe you really have gotten a bum shake at life, but your crappy life perspective is unattractive.
Nobody wants to babysit a perpetual victim of circumstance.